How I've overcome PTSD, Depression, and Anxiety
Read time: 3 minutes
My struggle with mental health
Like most people I grew up with some challenging circumstances.
And I'm not sharing these for pity or to compare scars like some sort of contest...
...but to give context.
My parents have both married and divorced 3 or more times each.
I've experienced mental, emotional, physical, and sexual abuse as a kid.
My brother, who was my closest friend died after overdosing on heroin as a teenager.
My favorite way to escape became pornography by age 5 and drugs by age 12.
I've broken bread and shared close connections with humans who secretly murdered, raped, stole, abused, and betrayed their own family...
...and this is all by the age of 17...
...which doesn't quite cover my full story if you're any good at math, haha.
My life experience has blessed me with the opportunity to stare the darkness of humanity right in its eyes...
...and helped me to become compassionate, strong, resilient, and determined to beat the odds.
But back then I didn't look at it that way.
I was deeply hurt and dysfunctional.
I couldn't tell you how many times I've wanted to kill myself...
...how many days I've lost to self-sabotage, and self-destructive spirals...
...how much pain I've carried like a backpack full of 50 ton rocks.
Luckily my family never took me to a doctor or psych specialist to get help.
You might be wondering, what do you mean luckily?
Well nowadays any doctor would love the opportunity to slap a label on me, or you...
...and to write us a life sentence in the form of psych drugs and emotional numbness...
...never truly helping us to heal or address the cause of the pain deep within us.
Fuck that.
I prefer to play life on hard mode with very few chemical buffers, thank you very much.
But, looking back and after studying psychology in-depth - along with discussing my story with professionals...
...I fit the diagnostic standard for many mental health diagnosis.
PTSD / CPTSD, depression, anxiety, ADHD, etc.
And I've been able to treat, and overcome these...
...although by 'unconventional standards'.
So to cut to the chase, by the time I was 23 I finally broke.
I had an 8-year relationship end which was the catalyst to a complete breakdown...
...what you may have heard called 'the dark night of the soul'...
...and later created my biggest breakthrough.
Not just any breakthrough, but the one I had been needing my whole life.
It was my crossroads moment:
Do I let this pain win, and take the easy way out?
Or...
Do I face this pain, and hope I make it to the other side?
If you don't already know this...
...I'm kind of a crazy Fuck so after much deliberation I chose to face the pain.
"If life is pain, so it's a good thing I'm a masochist" - Me
I asked God (what I personally call the infinite) to guide me.
I knew I couldn't do it alone.
I wasn't strong or brave enough.
My prayer was answered.
Finding the tools to heal
During this season of life I was put on the fast-track.
In a matter of a few months I dove into damn near every healing modality that exists.
- Talk therapy.
- Psychedelic therapy.
- Hypnosis.
- Journaling.
- Breathwork.
- Coaching.
- Meditation.
- Prayer.
- Community.
- Subconscious reprogramming.
- Shadow work.
- Somatic expression.
And so on.
From August of 2022 - December of 2022 I experienced years worth of transformation and healing.
I traveled internationally and locally, diving into every opportunity that presented itself.
I was determined to discover who I really was, why I was here, and how to heal.
And it worked.
Now I learned something so important:
There is no magic pill.
Healing and self-actualization are a process.
A lifelong process.
It NEVER ends.
You only evolve and strip more layers off the onion.
And there is more to heal than just your own shit...
...you have generational trauma in your DNA...
...stemming from your ancestry, culture, and community...
...so there is a lot of healing to be done.
Some for you and a lot for everyone else.
The most important work we can do
Out of all the things we can do in this world I believe this to be the most important.
Think of it this way:
Everything you want to be, do, or have is on the other side of healing yourself.
The quality of relationships or amount of money you want to have.
The empowered and magnetic version of yourself you'd like to be.
The impact you'd like to create and experiences you'd like to enjoy (do).
And those are the mostly selfish reasons to heal.
For your own gain so to speak.
This is not even beginning to describe the impact you will have on others all around you.
Be the ripple
Someone in your family, community, and culture has to step up…
…to find the strength and patience to process generations of pain.
Otherwise the cycle will continue and our future generations will suffer.
Those that came before us tried to escape this responsibility…
…to escape from their own pain and the pain that came before them.
But it didn’t work then, and it won’t work now.
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The attempt to escape from pain, is what creates more pain.
— Gabor Maté
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Be strong my friend.
You aren’t alone.
Do the work.
If you liked this letter:
- Share it with a friend
- Reply telling me why
See you next time and as always...
Rooting for you 💪
–Christopher
“It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.” - Confucius
